This is the Magic Failure Patrol! Drop your deck of cards and raise your hands. Now walk slowly towards the officer with the ungimmicked handcuffs. You are arrested because you did bad magic. The spectators you held hostage with stock one liners and the promise of a great magic trick have been freed.
You will be given the chance to explain yourself. But no exposure! In order to prepare yourself for that hearing you need to work through the entirety of the Tarbell Course in Magic. You will be tested. If you do not see the errors of your ways after that, you will be brought before a judge. It's up to him to decide what punishment you will receive. If you get lucky, you only need to throw away all of your Ellusionist DVDs and you will be forced to read the Books of Wonder. However, if the judge had a bad day (most likely by having watched a bad magic show) you'll be taken into a magic camp.
There you will learn the basics all over again.
1. Don't suck!
2. Be likable!
3. Be humble!
4. Master your material!
6. Toss the salad! (Don't know how that one got in there)
7. Honor your masters!
8. Don't steal tricks or lines!
Only then will you be allowed to touch a deck of cards again! Now follow me to the car!